Lessons on Surrendering & Being Seen: A Year in Review
“This is my life alone So I’ve stopped asking people directions for places they’ve never been”
- Glennon Doyle, author of “Untamed”
It all started as a passion project
One of my dear friends Omnia started the MWP Collective (Muslims Women Professional) and what I saw was a person who was boldly going after what made her come alive and wanting to support a real need in her community. She had launched a new website, had a new Instagram platform where she posted inspiring content and created something from nothing. I remember giving her early feedback on her website and leaving the call thinking "I wish I had a passion project". There was a fire that our conversation lit in my belly...and that's all I needed to get on my way.
I never felt truly passionate about my work and truthfully, never described myself as a 'passionate’ individual. I kind of felt like I was going through the motions of life and was doing what made sense based on my education. 'To find my own passion project’ became my mission less than 3 months after my 2nd baby was born. Little did I know at the time that I was signing up for a major life and career transition and many years in the works…
Rachel Hollis calls it "5 to thrive". I began devoting 5 hours a week to reflecting on this pursuit. I asked myself, "what lights me up?" and the word "passion" became my compass. I entertained about 5 careers and spent about 6-8 months in a deep state of reflection until one day, I facilitated a session for the MWP collective [mentioned above] on public-speaking anxiety. Somehow that day I put 2&2 together - this is what lights me up, I have expertise on interview anxiety, not to mention have experienced speech anxiety myself and I LOVE helping other people thrive - so why not become a psychologist and help others find their inner voice?
Well my friends, here I am 1 year later since pursuing my license, still standing. It's been one of the hardest and wildest, but best rides of my life. I had NO idea that the journey to pursue my license would be as intense as what it is, but somehow I think if someone warned me, I still a) wouldn't have believed them, and b) wouldn't have been deterred.
Hard work is something that has always been part of my narrative. In school, especially my elementary and highschool years, I certainly lacked confidence and felt I needed to overcompensate. I was bound and determined to do anything I wanted and had a “nothing is going to stop me attitude”....my determination can be a double-edged sword at times. It's been a year of SHEER hard work. This past year I launched my website [and wrote the copy for it], led 3 public workshops and 3 organizational sessions, published one magazine article and one toolkit, was a guest on 3 podcasts, curated 6 blog posts and completed one large beast of an exam. The art of balancing it all - including being a mom to two young ones - is something that takes acute self-awareness and a constant juggling act of balancing my priorities. But the greatest life lesson I learned this year is that while hard work will get you there, I don’t need to overdo it. Destination points are largely arbitrary and the ability to surrender is just as important as persistence. At the nexus of persistence and surrender is where grace and a real softness lives.
Being seen and What’s Next
I'm not narrowly fixated on any specific set of goals at the moment. For me, it's really about honing my craft, connecting with other people in meaningful ways, and of course completing my license (aiming for June 2021).
I will also continue to look for opportunities to share my voice. Being seen and heard can be deeply uncomfortable but that's where the change happens. I can't tell you how many people I work with have a yearning to be seen but are afraid to share parts of who they are. It’s okay if we don’t want to be seen but when we ignore that desire, this creates an internal state of oppression and can further lower our self-esteem. I can attest to the fact that sharing my thoughts and ideas takes vulnerability and courage. But this year has also taught me that when I take those steps outside my comfort zone, those are the moments where my self-growth is noticeable. I believe that when you can break through discomfort that's where your self-confidence can really start to shine.
Like everyone else, I am a work in progress - but for right now, I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
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