“If your heart beats a little faster because you’re nervous, it’s probably worth doing”
- Kenzi Brenna

Changing our Relationship with Fear

Here’s the important thing about public-speaking anxiety and many forms of anxiety: the more we panic and resist fear, the more power it has over us.  When we avoid a public-speaking situation, the fear actually magnifies and gets worse. When we move away, rather than toward or through our fears, what we are telling ourselves deep inside is that we really can’t do it. Fear is a normal part of life, but it becomes problematic when your fear turns into avoidance and begins to run your life. For those with public-speaking anxiety, we look for any excuse to avoid speaking in front of others. 

It is imperative that we move toward our fear repeatedly if we want to minimize the fear over time. Most of you have probably read a quote along the lines of “do something that scares you” or “try something outside of your comfort zone”. There’s actually science behind this. Our brain has trillions of neural pathways (i.e., connections) and at some point you formed a pathway related to public-speaking, judgment and fear. We can create new neural pathways and connections when we practice something intentionally and deliberately. It takes repetition but by engaging in what makes us nervous, we teach our brain to form new pathways that become stronger over time (a process called myelination).

The bottom line is that we can train our brains to form new connections and build positive associations with public-speaking. The key is to constantly expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations (easier said than done, I know). I’ve included a few strategies and tips below about where to start if you want to change your relationship with the fear of public-speaking.

Resources

I am a big fan of the GOOP podcasts by Gwenyth Paltrow!  This one in particular talks about moving toward your fears and specifically highlights an example with public-speaking anxiety (search for “How to Defeat your Inner Critic” featuring Barry Michels on June 14, 2018).   

Give this a Try

Create a public-speaking anxiety hierarchy. List several situations that scare you related to public speaking. Here are some common ones: opening or leading a team meeting, contributing ideas as an audience member at a conference, putting your hand up in class, telling a story to a group, networking with people you don’t know, having a job interview, presenting to senior leaders, and the list goes on. Create your list of situations that scare you and rank them from least to most anxiety-provoking. Start by exposing yourself to the situations that scare you the least and work your way up. Don’t forget to keep a log and document your progress. 

Sign up for public-speaking opportunities. One of the best things you can do is to proactively sign up opportunities where you have to be in the limelight (aka move toward your fear). Try offering one idea at the next team meeting (or maybe offer to kick it off), search for a local Toastmasters or share your ideas of what you could present about to another area of your company. You could practice an incoming presentation or proposal in front of a peer, friend or significant other. You may search for a local Meet-up with others who want to overcome public-speaking anxiety (sometimes these groups give people the opportunity to present on a topic).

Shift your fear to excitement. Try writing down the positive outcomes you want to create and the story you’re telling yourself. It may be helpful first to write down the “old story” - the YOU that experienced dread in anticipation of the event and who was overcome by fear as your name was being called. Then try answering the next questions about your future self, “what if I was more excited about speaking in front of others?” AND “what would it look like if I accepted or even welcomed these feelings of apprehension?” AND “what if I actually believed in myself?”  Revisit your ‘what-ifs’ and your new narrative many times before your next performance.

I’d love to hear your feedback if you tried any of these strategies or if you have suggestions for a future blog post (📧: {replace this email}). Remember that most people get butterflies when they are called onto speak. The difference is that the “anxiety approachers”, unlike the “anxiety avoiders”, are not intimidated by the butterflies and feeling of anxiety itself. They know that they can push through the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety and that their anxiety too shall pass. Push yourself to be an “anxiety approacher” too and try one thing this week that you’re afraid of related to performing or public-speaking.

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